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Break Up, Don’t Break Down by Dr. D Ivan Young dives right into the subject in his bracing, no-nonsense style, America’s leading Relationship Expert & Holistic Life Coach, Dr. D Ivan Young provides a useful overview of the book, promising readers:
Chapter 1: It’s Over. It’s Over Now
Isn’t it amazing how we try to delay the inevitable? Anyone who picks up this book is ready to move on, but has also recognized that he or she needs help doing it. This important chapter reminds us that if we are going to find the joy God has in store for us, we must permanently release ourselves from that bad relationship. It doesn’t matter whether that connection is with a person, situation or mindset, to move forward, a change must come. Feelings may fluctuate, but love is not a situation or an emotion—it’s a state of being. Rather than chasing our feelings, we must exchange a bad situation for a better one, through conscious thought and disciplined action. Dr. D walks us through the process of making a personal accounting of the past in order to discover the roots of our current situation.
Chapter 2: What God Has Joined
In this section on friends, family and religious issues, Dr. D acknowledges that as part of a breakup, many of us have to come face to face with our own religious and cultural beliefs, and traditions, as well as the prejudices of our friends and family. He says, “Not only is it wrong for someone to use your relationship with God…as a manipulation tool or blackmail device to keep you in a dysfunctional relationship, it’s trifling.” While respecting tradition, he offers tools, examples (including from his own life), and arguments for moving on while avoiding a sense of shame or betrayal of our core beliefs.
Chapter 3: Kids and Breaking Up
Breakups can be tough on children—but Dr. D teaches us the ways to minimize the bad effects. In this chapter, he shines a positive light on the process and provides step-by-step guidance for telling the children about the breakup and monitoring their feelings afterwards, whether they are infants, kids, or young adults. A resource section describes the best books to share with your children as part of the process, as well as references to help you through this delicate situation. This chapter will provide cushion you need to prevent your child, and you, from being mentally and emotionally scarred for life.
Chapter 4: It’s Your Time
There’s no time like the present to take control of your life—and it starts by getting to know yourself. Here, Young offers methods for getting in touch with your own spirit and exploring what’s inside of you. His “Ten Steps for Winning at Life” sound easy, but he knows they are not. With his encouragement, you can “discover your own promised land” and move toward your destiny. (The secret is D.A.T.E.)
Chapter 5: Alone But Not Lonely
Alone is one thing, lonely is another. Being alone can be an opportunity—to explore who you are and who you want to be. The exercises in this chapter are designed to introduce you to you, and to help you see all of the riches you have always possessed, with or without a partner in your life. Being alone means taking control, and it isn’t as hard as you think, once you can rejoice in who you are. This chapter will help you to put an end to recycling people and self-sabotaging behaviors. No more wreaking havoc in your life..
Chapter 6: Better, Not Bitter
Breaking up is a process, not an event, and it involves residual trauma just like any other painful or frightening situation. Here, Dr. D demystifies “separation anxiety”—a perfectly normal post-traumatic experience—and offers tools for dealing with it and getting past it.
Chapter 7: Joy Comes in the Morning
What a difference a day makes. This chapter helps you prepare for the rest of your life, the life that is about you and not someone else. Motivation comes from self-confidence, and that grows out of knowing that you can be great without being perfect. Some fears that hold us back are irrational: the fear of making a mistake or feeling stupid, the fear of failure or of change. Once you let go of those, you can set goals and achieve them. The exercises here are designed to help you do just that.
Chapter 8: Practice What You Preach
Before you try to find love again, make sure you are ready. Dealing with unfinished business, fine tuning your instincts, knowing the dating rules, and learning to make well-considered decisions about partners are all part of maximizing your chances at lasting love. Dr. D runs down the “unwritten rules of dating,” the five behaviors that keep you single, and the key communication skills you need to successfully re-enter the market for a mate.
Chapter 9: Yes, I’m Single
“How do I meet the right person?” This is a question Dr. D gets asked every day. It’s all about quality, not quantity—so it’s important to develop your instincts as well as your approach. The old ways may not work for you anymore. Young identifies some methods for attracting love that you may not have thought of, including life changes and a checklist of qualities to consider. If you’ve been looking for the wrong things—or if you’ve been looking without consciously knowing what you want—he’ll set you straight.
Chapter 10: Love Is
In this final chapter, drawing on all that has come before, Dr. D defines love and celebrates it. This is the end of his journey with you—but if you have truly worked his steps, you have all of the tools you need to break free from the past, embrace who you are, and move forward toward lasting love.
The Audience for Break Up—Don’t Break Down
Countless people turn to books for help with personal issues every day, making the “self-help” category one of the largest in book publishing. Within the genre, there are books about healing from trauma, books about dating, books about harnessing personal strength, and books about tapping into the power of God. Dr. D combines all of these into one book that is at once practical, empowering, and spiritual. It is “one-stop shopping” for the soul injured by bad choices and yearning to move on. The major difference between this and other such publications is Break Up, Don’t Break Down by D Ivan Young actually works. As the associate press put it, “This is the relationship manual.”
The spiritual dimension of this book is present in every line—but its message is ecumenical, inclusive and uplifting—never narrowly “religious.” As such, it will be appealing to all of the faithful—whatever their faith. Though it will certainly be embraced by Christians, it is book is about bringing people together, not separating them based on their religious differences.
With its memorable, straightforward title and message—and it’s simple but profound promise—Break Up, Don’t Break Down.