In the wake of what you did, have you ever done something so stupid that you could literally kick your own a**? If you’re honest, if you’re like most people over the age of 12 years old, the answer to that questions is a resounding – “YES.” Well, this time around the something stupid I’m referring to is you blowing your relationship with the one person in your life whom you cannot easily replace. I’m talking about the love of your life, your soulmate. It’s no brain-twister that it’s easier to find an old, short, red headed, bearded man, clad in a green felt suit, who’s really a Leprechaun, than it is to find real authentic love. Moreover, even if you were to find a Leprechaun, sweet talking him into parting with his famed pot of gold, is the equivalent of finding someone who’s willing to sincerely love you and accept you for everything you are and are not. With that stated, there’s hope. This article is about getting your mate to forgive you in seven not so easy steps.
Only a fool finds real love then takes it for granted. But, you are not alone, people do exactly that on a day in, day out, basis. Some people put a beautiful relationship at risk for the ugliest of reasons. Ranging from infidelity to irreverence, from deception to indifference, including but not limited to hypocrisy and egotism, when it comes to sustaining love, we can easily become our own worst enemy. Making incompetent clownish mistakes is one thing, but needlessly doing something so stupid, something so foolish that it results in you sabotaging your prized relationship can leave all parties concerned, especially you, feeling heartbroken and devastated. Now, in hindsight, you realize the heartbreaking, reprehensible damage you’ve done. So what do you do? How can you get yourself out of this one? Moment by moment, day in and day out, you keep asking yourself the same question, “What can I do to get my best friend, my confidant, the love of my life, my soul mate back?”
The mere fact you’re reading this article is confirmation the “God of L.O.V.E” is on your side. However, there’s some good news and some bad news. If you’ve hit them, shot at them, given them an STD , slept with one of their close relatives or had them arrested, you’re probably screwed, but if none of those things have transpired there’s still a chance you can yet fix this. There are seven “NOT SO EASY” things you can do to significantly increase the odds of getting your soulmate to you give you another chance. But, I’m giving you fair warning before you continue reading – You Must Be Sincere And Fully Committed to re-establishing your relationship. In other words, this is NOT a damn game. If your goal is to simply get them back in your bed, or your goal is for you to get back in their good graces for selfish reasons, quit while you’re ahead. Karma is a Real Authentic Bitch!
There are Seven “Not So Easy” steps to restoring a broken relationship. Those seven steps are:
- Put yourself in the other person’s shoes. This is easier said than done. If you know for a fact that you would NOT forgive someone for doing to you the exact same thing you did to your significant other, admit it. First and foremost admit it to yourself. Second, admit that truth to the person you’ve hurt. Specifically tell them why it’d be difficult for you to forgive someone else for doing to you exactly what you did to them. By doing so you allow the wounded party to know that you fully understand where they’re coming from and why they’re pissed off at you. In many instances this is best done by writing rather than in a verbal conversation. Whatever you do, DO NOT DO THIS IN A TEXT MESSAGE, that’s just plain old irreverent.
- Come clean. Despite the fact it is human nature to not want to look any worse than you do already, you must come fully clean. You CANNOT leave one stone un-turned. You must tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. And yes, this includes confessing things that they don’t know about. The last thing you need right now is a ticking time bomb. Believe me, everything done in the dark will eventually come to the light anyway. It’s far better for you to tell on yourself now than to start down the road to recovery with your mate only to have more of your old BS come back to haunt you at the worst possible time. This is your one chance to truly turn over a new leaf. This is “the time” to prove you can truly be trusted. This is the time to be 100% sincere. Hint – expect them to be pissed. Wouldn’t you!!! And for own your safety, when dealing with someone who has access to a weapon, or who has a bad temper, put whatever you have done in writing(this is especially true if you’ve really done some underhanded stuff).
- Don’t make excuses. If you did it, you did it. It is what it is. Inasmuch, remind them of the fact that you’re sick and tired of your own BS. Even though they may be mad as hell, even though they may curse you till your eyebrows singe, don’t forget you’re the one who created this mess. It’s up to you to fix it. Be prepared for anger, be prepared for endless questions, bottom line be prepared for them to lash out. To the best of your ability, remain sincere, humble and above all you must be patient with them. Keep in mind they’re hurting and infuriated at the same time. Again, remember to put yourself in their shoes. How would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot. After all you created this mess, it’s up to you to fix it.
- Give them space. Once you put your cards on the table allow your significant other time to take in, and absorb, what’s happened. There is no easy way to deal with betrayal and heartbreak. Had you not been so selfish and self absorbed none of this would have ever transpired in the first place. In all fairness – you owe them this much.
- Become an open door. This is especially true if you’re married, engaged or cohabiting. Keeping secrets and deception is what created this mess to begin with. Real love is transparent. If you can’t be transparent, you’re not ready for a committed relationship. If you have to hide text messages, emails and phone numbers after going through this, perhaps you’re simply not ready to be married, engaged or cohabiting with anyone.
- Be that which you seek. Mature love isn’t about what you get, it’s about what you’re willing to give. It takes more than a minute to develop a lasting meaningful relationship with anyone. If you desire honesty, that begins with being honesty. If you desire loyalty, that begins with being loyal. If you desire commitment, that begins with being committed. Talking the talk is one thing, walking the walk is yet another. To find, keep and maintain a quality, fulfilling, lasting, joyous relationship necessitates you be that which you seek.
- Don’t take those who love you for granted. Real Love is a rare find. If you find it once in a life time count yourself truly blessed. Though erotic love can be rented, real love cannot be bought. Love is the only game that two people can play and both parties lose. Get to know your partners love language and speak it on a consistent basis. Verbalize and demonstrate your appreciation. Don’t take time with, or the presence of, those who love you for granted. Before you know it, your time with them will be up. It is in your best interest to not do anything which will expedite that process.
I wrote this article based on over 14 years of practice as an expert on relationships. I am a credentialed master practitioner on personality type, and an expert on conflict management. I’ve worked thousands of couples and individuals, as well having much experience being both the victim, and the victimizer in my own romantic blunders, which for less of a reason, have resulted in needlessly self-sabotaged relationships. Relationships which Our Creator, Our Source, intended to bring both you, and I meaningful lasting joy to our lives. Fix things before it’s too late. Like life, Love comes with no guarantees. It is truly what you make it.
By Relationship Expert Dr. D Ivan Young