Would it benefit you to determine if this connection is worth all of the effort you’re putting in it. Well today you’re in luck. Your Spirit led you to this article for a reason — your sanity. Over the next couple of paragraphs, I’m going to give you some sound strategies that will help you to see this relationship for what it really is. With that stated, keep in mind that all relationships serve you. People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lesson, and sometimes a combination thereof. However, not everyone you date, have feelings for or even become intimate with is intended to be your life partner. By following a few simple steps, you can quickly determine what your current relationship is all about.
The first question has very little, if anything, to do with your significant other and much more to do with and about you. What’s going on with you? Are you dating this person for the right reasons? In other words, is this relationship one that was planned or did it just happen? That isn’t to say there’s anything wrong with spontaneity, and there’s certainly nothing wrong with allowing a relationship to take its course, but, as with most things, things that just end up happening never last. Chances are your formless, undefined relationship will one day end just as it begun — something lacking form and structure. If, or should I say when, that happens, don’t be caught off guard; you’re reaping what you planted. One who fails to plan, often, and most inadvertently, planned to fail. With that stated, let’s get to the real meat and potatoes concerning your current dilemma.
- What Do You Want? Have you taken the time to really think about what you need and want in a mate? Have you written it down on paper? Doing so helps you to take a good look at your needed deliverables and desires. Did you think deeply or did you merely take superficial things into consideration such as looks, income and what the union can provide? Come on now. You’re too old to think like a child. I strongly advise you to consider your must haves and can’t stands. This includes things about you that you’re either willing or un-willing to accept or change. If you want a lasting meaningful relationship, you must put some lasting meaningful thought into one.
- Write Down What You And Your Partner Have In Common: Make a list of the subjects that the both of you commonly discuss. Next, make a list of the activities that you engage in most frequently. Now ask yourself a question; if this doesn’t change over the next few years, will it produce good fruit in my life? Lastly, don’t ignore your points of conflict. Chances are they will only get worse.
- Have A Real Conversation About Your Partner’s Plans For The Next 24 To 48 Months: If you’re not included in them, that doesn’t mean that you’re not in a good relationship, but it does mean you haven’t earned a spot in their future yet. I caution you not to see this as a death sentence for your relationship, but it’s definitely a sign that it’s not getting ready to head down to the alter anytime soon either.
- Share Your Plans For The Next 24 To 48 Months With Them: These plans need to include your personal, professional and social goals. If they aren’t interested in what you have to say, or they don’t appear to be on board with your plans that may not be a red flag, but it is certainly a yellow one. But, if they are in sync with you, this relationship may be headed in the right direction.
- Ask Your Partner How They Feel About Commitment: Warning — this is a step that must be taken with extreme caution. It can potentially be a point of no return. If they go cold on you, that’s a big indicator that you’re dealing with someone who’s not ready for commitment. Second, ask how they feel your relationship is going. Next, ask them what needs to be improved or fixed. Lastly, ask if they feel you are a good fit for them. Doing so will allow you to address previously hidden issues, and/or help you to determine if they’re as content with you as you are or are not with them.
Good relationships don’t just happen. They take work. Both parties must be committed to giving a substantial effort while being dedicated to willfully putting the concerns and well-being of the other party first. If your relationship isn’t headed down the aisle just yet, don’t panic. This simply may not be the time for such, and/or this person is merely in your life for a reason, a season or a lesson. However, if you made it past the first 4 steps and you’re on the same wavelength as it relates to values and lifestyle, the chances are good that this is a significant person for this season of your life. It doesn’t mean that he/she is Mr. or Ms. Right, but they are definitely Mr. or Ms. Right Now, which is not a bad thing. I urge you to not get ahead of yourself, but to enjoy the moment. But if you make it to step five and the two of you are on one accord, you’re headed toward something wonderful. Nonetheless, I urge you to take your time and enjoy the journey, good relationships are much more about the beauty of the voyage and much less about reaching a destination.