Is This Real…Signs He’s Really Serious About You – More than often women meet the perfect man, but his imperfections cause you to wonder, “Is he the perfect man for you?”
If you’re like most successful professional women, at this stage in the game, you can spot BS a mile away. You’ve dabbled in enough infatuation based, ostensible relationships you’ve become a master at the dating game. By now you’ve probably tried everything from E-Harmony, to Match.com, to Farmers Only, to Adult Friend Finder, even singles mixers, not to mention all dating articles and books you’ve read. Hell, you’ve even taken some wayward advice from your freaky spinster aunt, only to ferret out no matter what you do to hedge your bets, or what approach you use, real authentic love is elusive and comes with no guarantees .
Go ahead, name it – sexual relationship outside of marriage, celibacy, ménage à trois, adultery, hanky-panky, forbidden love, May – December romance, being a cougar, or going on a blind date with a dwarf, there’s not one aspect of this relationship thing you haven’t tried or seen. Either you’ve done it yourself or you know somebody who has. Let’s face it, you’re a season in, season out, year round, court side seat holder at the romance games. That’s right you’re right there, in the flesh, witnessing the action live and up close. But, there’s something special here, there’s something about this guy that’s different. No matter what, you cannot seem to get him out of your head or off your mind.
Everything feels right, but at the exact same time those idiosyncrasies of his loom larger than life. Whatever it is, now you find yourself feeling good when he’s around, confused when he’s not and getting paranoid when you think you’ve said or done something to lose him. The problem is one moment you’re feeling the warm fuzzes, the next moment you’re asking yourself “What was that about? or Did he really just fart? ” That’s when you wonder – “Is This Real? What are the Signs that can confirm He’s The Right Man For Me, or even if He’s Really Serious About me?”
Life, Love, and Relationships are difficult enough, but sorting out his minutia while sifting through your own psychological baggage can be, shall we say, a bit overwhelming. And that’s putting it mildly. There’s no set rule of thumb to measure a guys commitment, nor is there an easy check list you can use. But here are five things which you can ponder to help you evaluate your situation:
- After an argument or disagreement can you get him out of your head? What I mean by this is are you able to let go of him mentally and emotionally after a heated conflict. If the answer is no, your subconsciousness is far wiser than you are. It knows things that you don’t. However, I caution you don’t confuse that sense of connection with a predilection toward being attached to the familiar. If you don’t like change, it’s easy to confuse inclination with an dependency.
- Do you take responsibility for your contribution to your conflicts with him. In other words, are the things that bother about him connected to things you’ve done or said. If so, more than likely this is a personality problem you have that has very little, if anything, to do with him. This is definitely an area in which you need to grow up and confront your own issues. Example – you insinuate he’s with another woman because he doesn’t answer the phone or because he tells you he’s working late, or he just needs some time to himself, or wants to hang out with friends. Don’t beat yourself up on this, It’s not unusual for women, or men, to inappropriately attach past insecurities to present relationships. But don’t use that as an excuse to continue operating out of a broken place. Just because your ex lied about working late, or being with friends, doesn’t mean this guy is doing the same thing. Nobody likes their integrity questioned. Ladies, this is one of the fastest ways to run off a good man.
- Does he make you feel special, loved and appreciated? When men do things such as open doors for you, purchase things you need (not want) to make your life more productive or support your endeavors, if he calls you just to check on you (such as making sure you made it to your destination safely, or that to see how your project is coming along etc.), or if he checks you on behavior, especially when it is not becoming, that’s a sign he’s into you as a person, and that you’re more than just a convenient sex object.
- How does he act when he’s angry with you. Real men don’t take shit off of people, and yes my dear, that includes you. Inasmuch, there are ways to fight fair. An example is his use of profanity. There’s a big difference between being told you’re acting like a Bitch versus being called one. Likewise, there’s a huge difference between him cursing while arguing with you, versus him cursing you out. Authentic relationships are just that, authentic. Not only is it normal for passions to erupt during passionate disagreements, but if people hold things back, they’re are, at least on a subconscious level, distancing themselves from you. That my dear you do not want, especially if this is someone that matters to you, someone you want a long term relationship with. Warning – if you fight as much as, or more than, you make love that’s a sign your relationship is headed for trouble.
- Are you on his mind… With most men, actions speak louder than words. A man who’s focused on you will text you, call you, even email you on a consistent basis. Moreover, they will tell you what it is they like, and or crave, about you too. As time goes on, as the infatuation period wanes, the things that are at the core of your relationship will NOT diminish. If his pattern includes taking you to the movies, dinner, and cracking corny jokes or sending you silly emails, those things will remain consistent. But when the two of you stop laughing and/or stop working together to achieve goals you need to be concerned. The more he extricates himself the more you need to be concerned.
As with most things, love doesn’t not come with a guarantee. No matter what you do you cannot make a man yours until he determines that’s what he wants to do. However, you can ruin a good thing before it gets started. If you are really interested in this guy, allow time to speak on your behalf. DO NOT GIVE CHALLENGE HIM OR GIVE HIM ULTIMATUMS! Intelligent, attractive, successful men have lots of options, it you force his hand, I promise you it more than likely will backfire. To truly set yourself apart from the pack, risk being the real you. Don’t be that female who has a list of demands. Nothing is a bigger turn off to a man than a woman saying things like:
- I’m looking for a committed relationship (you just met the guy, don’t make him feel like you’re desperate)
- The last guy I dated did ___________ (starting out with list of the negative things you don’t like about men is a sign of unresolved issues – i.e. you may be crazy)
- I’m not taking any s*** off any one (he’s looking for a partner, not a sparing partner)
- I’m not having sex with you until we ___________ (successful men have no problem getting sex, accessing your vagina is only a trophy for weak minded shallow men – you’re acting like sleeping with you is an achievement is not on insulting it’s arrogant and egotistical)
- What do have to offer me? (makes the man think you’re a gold digger, you’re just out to use him)
- If you don’t hurry up and make a commitment to our relationship __________!
My hope is that you this relationship works out for you. If it does, that’s awesome. If it doesn’t, remember men come into your life for a reason, a season or lesson. When the reason is discovered, the season is over, or the lesson is learned, accept it and end it on friendly terms. That which you seek is equally seeking you. By heeding this advice, I promise you, you will hedge your bets while making your love life much better and more stable.
By Relationship Expert and Master Certified Coach
877.508.2025 ext 102