You can’t make everybody happy so stop trying. No matter what you do – you cannot please everybody. The only way to be successful in life is to do you and be you. Taking any other approach results in either one of two things. Either you will appease the crowd while sacrificing who you truly are or you must be willing to disconnect some folk from your life to protect the real you. But don’t sweat it, the people you’re disconnecting would only continue to drag you over coals while making your life a living hell. God made you just the way you are for a reason. Now, before we go any further, don’t confuse protecting your identity with being narcissistic and wrapped up in yourself. Holding on to mediocrity or being less than you’re capable of being has nothing to do with individualism. As you go through life, as you learn better, you should do better.
Like you, for years I’ve found myself stuck between a rock and a hard place when it came to pleasing other people. Over and over again I tried to reduce myself to be the essence of what someone else wanted me to be. Growing up I was typically the only Black kid, or one of few, in an all white school. No matter how much I tried to get “all” of the white kids to like me there were a few that, no matter how nice I was to them, would still call me the N word and mistreat me anyway. After dealing with that for years I simply couldn’t take it anymore and went to an all Black school. Much to my dismay they quickly nicknamed me New N****. Making matters worse, I was ridiculed because I didn’t use ebonics. I was constantly teased for “talking like a white boy.”
After college, I joined a Black Chamber of Commerce. Shortly thereafter I was named chairman of economic development. Again I soon found myself doing most of the volunteer work alone. Again, here I go, having my gifts and talents exploited because I wanted to be accepted and fit in. Again, here I am going out of my way to be acknowledged. Even when I reintroduced myself to the church I saw pastors with mistresses, married deacons with girlfriends, hidden agendas, egos, politics, and money being misappropriated etc. I spoke up, only to be the one who was criticized and shunned. Like most decent people, I can’t just go with the flow. Especially when the flow is going straight down the path toward degradation and heavyheartedness. All of those things led me to one conclusion, I’d rather be at peace with myself rather than be a participant in a procession of fools. My dear, seeking the approval of others is simple not worth the effort. Being true to yourself is all that really matters.
Operating in authenticity will always cost you something. Inasmuch,For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? If the approval of others is more important to you than your integrity, we need to have a long talk. Speak up. Stand up for yourself. Know that no matter what you do you can’t make everybody happy. Stop allowing people to browbeat you. Stop allowing people to tell you how you should talk, look, believe, think or who you should love. God made you the way you are for a reason. Even your rough edges will bless you. Your job is to be the best version of you possible.
From God, to you, through me, Dr. D Ivan Young
I Love You Madly,
Most Sincerely I do…
by Relationship Expert